bancuri-cu-număr™

Cica la un azil de nebuni ..
O femeie pe un scaun cu rotile prinde viteza pe coridor ..
In curbe se inclina si se ridica in 2 roti ..
O opreste un nebun si o intreaba :
-Aveti permis de conducere ?
Ea ii da o hartie de la o ciocolata si merge mai departe ..
O opreste un alt nebun si o intreaba :
-Aveti verificarea tehnica?
Ea ii da o hartie de la un pachet de guma..si merge mai departe ..
Dupa colt vede pe dreapta un alt nebun gol, cu p*la sculata … la care femeia ofteaza ….
- Off … iar trebuie sa suflu in fiola …

Locks are like tanks - powerful, slow, safe, expensive, and prone to getting you stuck.

MENU

Tuica de Pitesti balaie,
Ce te mangaie la … limba
Dispozitia iti schimba

Branza buna de Trapista
Scoasa chiar acum din … lada
Cine vrea, poate sa vada!

Sunca alba ca si-o coala,
Cum mananci, cum ti se … pare
C-ai pofta de mancare!

Mici facuti cu ardei iute
Cand mananci iti vine-a … spune,
Doamne, ce bucate bune!

Fripturica de boboci
Cu garnitura de … varza
La stomac sa nu te arda!

Mere, pere, cozonaci
Sa mananci pana te … culci
De atatea fructe dulci!

Tort cu nuca cat caciula
Care scoala-n sus si … masa
Daca nu intreaga casa!

Cui meniul n-a placut,
Apai, mama lui sa-i … faca
Alt meniu care sa-i placa!

How the bail out works:

Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a Donkey from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the next day.

The next day he drove up and said, ‘Sorry son, but I have some bad News, the donkey died.’
Chuck replied, ‘Well, then just give me my money back.’
The farmer said, ‘Can’t do that.. I went and spent it already.’
Chuck said, ‘Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.’
The farmer asked,’What ya gonna do with him? Chuck said, ‘I’m going to raffle him off..’

The farmer said “you can’t raffle off a dead donkey!” Chuck said, “Sure I can Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, ‘What happened with that dead donkey? ‘Chuck said, ‘I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $998. ‘The farmer said, “Didn’t anyone complain? Chuck said, “Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back”.

Chuck now works for Goldman Sachs

- Почему админы на работе играют?
- А вы хотите чтобы они читали вашу почту, вникали в ваши проблемы, лезли с советами?..

- что главное при игре в пинбол?
- не оказаться шариком.

Jack, un istet om de afaceri, vorbeste cu fiul sau:

Jack: “Vreau sa te insori cu o fata pe care o aleg eu.”
Fiul: “Imi voi alege singur mireasa.”
Jack: “Dar fata este fiica lui Bill Gates.”
Fiul: “Ei bine, asa da !!!”

Apoi, Jack se intalneste cu Bill Gates.

Jack: “Am un fiu pentru fiica ta.”
Bill Gates: “Dar fata mea este prea tanara pentru casatorie.”
Jack: “Dar tanarul este vice-presedinte la Banca Mondiala.”
Bill Gates: “Ah, asa da !!!”

In sfarsit, Jack se duce sa se intalneasca cu presedintele Bancii Mondiale.

Jack: “Iti recomand un tanar pentru a fi vice-presedinte.”
Presedintele: “Dar deja am mai multi vice-presedinti decat am nevoie.”
Jack: “Dar tanarul este ginerele lui Bill Gates.”
Presedintele: “Ah, ok, asa da !!!”

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: “Take only ONE. God is watching.”
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
Little Johnny wrote a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”