Micutul John intra in dormitorul tatalui sau, exact cand acesta se pregatea sa-si puna un prezervativ. Surprins, tatal incearca sa-si ascunda erectia aplecandu-se si facandu-se ca se uita dupa ceva sub pat.
- Ce faci, taticule? intreaba John.
- Eeeee? Am vazut un sobolan sub pat.
- Si vrei sa-l f##i?
In urma unui accident, un tip ramane fara penis.
Chirurgul spitalului ii spune:
- Domnule, ai noroc. Avem un bogat sortiment de organe
din care iti poti alege unul pentru transplant. Ce
zici de asta de 12 cm?
- Ce naiba, domnule doctor, am eu fata de 12 cm?
- Atunci asta de 18 cm?
- Fii serios, domnule, ce, eu sunt pustan? Doctorul ii
face atunci o alta oferta:
- Dar de asta de 32 cm ce zici?
- Ei, da, asa mai merge. Dar acelasi model pe alb nu
aveti?
A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience. He said, ‘The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn’t my wife!’
The audience was in silence and shock. The speaker added, ‘… And that woman was my mother!’ Laughter and applause.
A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home. He was a bit tipsy after a drink, and he said loudly, ‘The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!’
His wife went red with shock and rage.
Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out ‘… And I can’t remember who she was!’
Moral of the story: Don’t copy if you can’t paste!
Presedintele Statelor Unite ne-a cerut sa ne unim pentru o cauza comuna tuturor: combaterea terorismului. Este bine stiut ca musulmanii se opun consumului de alcool si considera vederea unei femei dezbracate (alta decat nevasta sa) drept un pacat.Din aceasta cauza lansam un apel pentru ca timp de o saptamana, ZILNIC, la ora 13.00, toate femeile sa alerge prin birouri, iar toti barbatii sa le urmeze cu o bere in mana. Aceasta ne va ajuta sa detectam teroristii care se ascund la noi in firma. Statele Unite va sunt recunoscatoare pentru efortul facut impotriva terorismului. Colaborati!
1. Восьмое марта перенесли бы на двадцать девятое февраля. Раз в четыре года - это еще можно вынести.
2. Пластическая операция по увеличению женской груди входила бы в программу бесплатного медицинского страхования.
3. Для зачатия ребенка требовалось бы совместное участие одного мужчины и четырех женщин.
4. Чтобы предохранить партнершу от зачатия, достаточно было бы во время секса сложить пальцы крестиком за спиной.
5. Всех женщин звали бы одинаково - для простоты в общении.
6. У всех женщин была бы аллергия на золото, драгоценные камни и меха животных.
7. В женских носах стояли бы специальные фильтры, заглушающие запахи пива, пота и лука.
8. Купальник-бикини считался бы идеальным костюмом для бизнес-леди. И не бизнес тоже.
10. Чтобы расстегнуть застежку бюстгальтера, достаточно …
- Милый, ты где?
- Я на охоте.
- А кто там так громко дышит?
- Это медведь…
Chelnerul către o doamnă:
- Aţi observat ca soţul dumneavoastră a căzut sub masă?
- Te înşeli, dragă, soţul meu tocmai acum a intrat pe uşă.
An old mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to the bed.
“You lissin-a me - I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me.”
“But grandpa, I really don’t like guns. Howzabout you leava me your rolex watch instead?”
“Shuddup and lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business, you gonna have a beautifulla wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple of bambinos. Somma day you gonna coma home and maybe find your beautifula wife in bed with another man. Whadda you gonna do then? Pointa to your watch and say: ‘Time’s up?”
Cica trei prieteni, se intalnesc in fata unei scoli de soferi si isi dau
seama ca fiecare isi astepta consoarta sa-si termine ora de conducere auto.
Primul :
- Sotia mea a inceput scoala de o saptamana si de atunci in fiecare noapte
se trezeste, pune mana pe “manivela” si incepe :”inainte, inapoi, inainte,
inapoi” de nu pot sa dorm toata noaptea. Al doilea:
- Asta nu-i nimic, a mea a inceput scoala de o luna si de atunci in fiecare
noapte se trezeste, pune mana pe “manivela” si incepe: “intaia, a doua, a
treia, a patra”. La marsarier, cel putin, imi vine sa-mi iau campii. Al
treilea :
- Sunteti mici copii! A mea a inceput scoala de doua luni si de atunci in
fiecare noapte se trezeste, se intoarce cu curul la mine si zice “plinul, va
rog !”
When I was born, I was given a choice - A big dick or a good memory.
I don’t remember, what I chose.